Umme Abeeha Jaffery
ERP # 16865
Pride and Prejudice
By Jane Austen (Mr. Darcy’s Perspective)
I, Fitzwilliam Darcy, lord of Pemberley, born and raised in the richest of families and the noblest of men and society, had been an arrogant, aloof and disagreeable man who did not take other people’s feelings into account. I would say whatsoever came into my heart, without any pretention or adding layers to the fact. That’s why when I attended the ball in Longbourn and met the Bennets, especially Mrs Bennet, who, at that time, wanted nothing more than for her daughters to marry into a noble and wealthy family, I could not hold back my bitter sentiments against them. I felt it my duty to make it clear to them that I did not want to do anything with their family who was inferior to me, and just wanted to save my dearest friend Charles Bingley who seemed to have taken some liking for their eldest daughter, Jane.
My sense of superiority at that time also explains why I distanced myself from the Bennets, as I did not think of them as worthy enough for my company. I did not dance with Elizabeth Bennet and refused it with a bitter remark, as I simply did not want any connection with them. I wanted nothing more than to be gone from this world and people, until I really noticed Elizabeth and how she was everything I had always wanted in a woman: intelligent and witty. I was in a quandary whether to confess my feelings to Elizabeth or not, and when I did confess my feelings, I did so in a rather poor manner as I was not very expressive with my feelings. I did not know how to put them out in the most sincere way, as I have always been too proud to know what it means to really feel for someone. I ruined my proposal by saying that I loved her despite her family’s inferiority to my own. Elizabeth reacted to my proposal with genuine anger, and for the first time in my life, my arrogance, conceit and disdain were challenged. I don’t even know what I was expecting out of my confession because clearly, I had realized that I was at my worst behaviour to her and her family, which she holds the dearest and, I knew that I had to make amends for my actions and words.
Now, I am no longer the same arrogant, prideful and mean tempered person. I have thought over my actions, and slowly realised how insufficient were all my pretensions to please a woman worthy of being pleased. I have tried to boast less and be more expressive as I genuinely care about Elizabeth and want her to see the best in me always. I realized that my actions and words had caused pain to the one person I had started loving. Thus, I tried explaining my actions to her through a letter, where I admitted that I urged Bingley to stay away from Jane, as I thought they were not serious about their love affair, and I was sorry about my misjudgement, which the old Darcy would have never admitted. As for the fact that I had been cruel to Wickham, it was only because he indeed was a liar and tried to run away with my younger sister, Georgiana.
As I did not want to cause Elizabeth any more pain, I did not pursue her when she came back home, but opportunity presented itself and she went on a trip to the north with her relatives which was in the neighbourhood of Pemberley state. She visited the state as well, and when I met her, I tried my best to act like a true gentleman, and did not mention my proposal, as I did not want to resume my old self and cause more harm. Shortly after that, I got to know that Elizabeth had hastened home because her sister, Lydia and Wickham had ran away, and were living together without a proper marriage, which was disgraceful to her family. Thus I tried to help her by finding them and giving Wickham money to marry Lydia, so that it would not cause any more shame to Elizabeth’s family. I also did not stop Bingley when he went to Netherfield to resume his relationship with Jane. I even paid a visit to Netherfield to meet the Bennets, and apologize to them. I knew that I still had a long way to go but with a little more love and support in life, I could be that man. So, putting my heart on her feet once again, I asked Elizabeth to marry me and, bless Lord Almighty, she did say yes, after all.
Word count: 783